"I left a little bit disillusioned and wounded"

April 5, 2007
By A former YWAMer

I read through your site and article about YWAM and I'm so glad you are doing what you have been doing to expose such an activity going on in the Body of Christ.

I am a former YWAMer and had my DTS training too.

The training was in some ways good, and seemed ideal for those not truly grounded on His word and who don't have a clear view of the whole counsel of God.

My heart goes out for the youth that have been involved with this organization.

There were some practices going on that were cult-like, if pushed a bit, especially if the leader is not mature or has some issues that are not dealt with yet.

I felt led to give it a try to do a volunteer work after about 7 years from my DTS training. I was at that time fresh from my overseas missions work. I thought of doing volunteer work with them, while waiting for His further directions.

I'm glad that after an initial commitment of 2-3 months I decided not to pursue this idea.

My first week at the base was kind of chaotic. They were in an organizational restructuring at that time and were very much into the teaching of territorial spirits and all.

Just being new in the system, I started to sense some manipulation and that there were leadership style flaws, which were erroneous.

By the way, I finished my masters degree in administration and supervision, so I know a bit about organizational structuring. When I voiced my questions about their structure and all, they decided not to allow me to attend the next meeting.

The bad thing was that they allowed me to get into the room the next day and a friend told me to leave in front of all those attending the meeting. I confronted the leaders and told them my views, and how it was unethical to put me into shame in front of them all. They admitted this, but I still knew that something wrong was going on.

A culture of silence is very much practiced there, and the discipline of leaders is not dealt with properly, thus encouraging future leaders to duplicate the same mistakes

After about a month of staying at that base, I started to sense some abuses and manipulation going on. I became a target for my leader's sarcasm and psychological battering. I just didn't know how to deal with it and I didn't want to be a cause of division at the DTS, which was about to start.

After another month and much time of prayer and introspection, I told them I was leaving and that I wouldn't continue to be staff for the coming DTS.

In my quiet time, I distinctly felt that if I stayed longer, I would be destroyed.

I'm glad I obeyed His direction. The best decision I ever made.

I'm glad that I had the boldness to confront my leader at that time. It could be because I wasn't yet saturated with their culture.

I felt for my leader, because she told me that her style of leadership is what she had copied from her leaders and that she was like me before. But after a few years she just yielded to the structure that they blindly adapted.

I left a little bit disillusioned and wounded. I say a "little bit," because I did not stay there long (praise God).

After that I proceeded with my doctorate in counseling psychology, my heart still intending to help people in general and missionaries in particular.