"His little brainwashing fest wasn't working on me"

November 1999
By a weekend walkout

I'm writing to tell you about my experience around a "Sterling weekend" I attended in Oakland [recently]. A very good friend of mine did the weekend a couple of months ago. She lives in L.A., but did it in Oakland. She called me to tell me how much it changed her life, how wonderful it was, how she was already working on improving her relationship with her father, etc., etc.

My friend strongly recommended I do the weekend and gave me the number of another close male friend and his wife--who lives near me and also did the weekend a few years ago. She was impressed with the fact that after "the weekend" this couple, who had been divorced--got back together and remarried. So she gave me his phone number and asked me to call him. I didn't, but about a week later he called me (apparently she gave him my number). He was pretty insistent we get together, and he seemed like a fairly nice guy, so I agreed to meet him one evening to hear about it.

I finally agreed to do the weekend, without ever really questioning the odd fact that very little actual information was being offered about it. But I trusted my friend so implicitly, that I gave in and said, "Why not, it sounds pretty interesting."

I won't belabor the details of the weekend; they [essentially] parallel the descriptions I subsequently discovered on your web site. I only wish I had taken the time to investigate before I went.

On the morning of the second day (Sunday) I had an altercation with a Sterling [devotee]. At the end of Saturday night, while waiting outside for a cab to take some of us to our motel, I had to take a leak. I went back up the front steps to go inside, but all the doors were locked. So I came back down, went around the corner of the "site" and pissed in the bushes. I was spotted by the building's security person (not a Sterling guy) and he took my name and apparently reported me to the Sterling leaders.

When I arrived back on Sunday morning I was greeted by a pretty intimidating barrage from a [Sterling leader]. But I refused to back down or apologize. Instead, I used the opportunity to stand up in total defiance of him (by this time it was very clear that I had stumbled into a brainwashing [group sic]). This infuriated him and we continued to argue as the rest of the "men" filed into the auditorium.

He finally told me I couldn't come back until I apologized, acknowledging my "disrespect of the site" and promising that I would not break any more of their rules. I told him I would do neither. We glowered at each other for a bit then he said that he would leave for five minutes and return for my decision. He came back and I told him my position was unchanged. This Sterling follower then handed me back my name tag and I went back in--knowing full well that I would soon elect to leave anyway.

My purpose was to "win the battle" and show him his little brainwashing fest wasn't working on me.

A half hour into the "group meditation" I picked up and left, realizing this might be my best (and last) chance to do so. Naturally, I was confronted by the leaders who tried to convince me to stay. But to no avail--I was out the door and very soon on bus back home.

That afternoon, back home, I discovered your web site and poured over it well into the night. The following morning (Monday) my "sponsor" called me to find out what happened. I explained the story to him, venting quite explicitly and expressing my disgust with both Sterling and him. Even though I kept hanging up on him and he kept calling back. I actually enjoyed the opportunity to vent my feelings.

At one point I told my Sterling sponsor in a phone conversation that I would do everything in my power to "deprogram" our mutual friend (I e-mailed her your web site Sunday night). He then told me that under no circumstances was I to talk to her about Sterling. He kept demanding that I promise not to do that. Of course I didn't and he kept getting angrier. Finally he said that if he had to keep asking me, it would "not be over the telephone." I asked him if that was a threat and he just kept repeating--"I need you to promise me you won't talk to her." I told him to get fucked and hung up.

After reading your web site I realize he himself may be in a fairly precarious position; not only was his sponsored "man" a malcontent who "failed to live up to his commitment," but I also stood to interfere with our mutual friend's involvement.

My sponsor told me on the drive up Saturday morning that our friend has already introduced the idea to three or four of her other male friends. I have a feeling he's in for a hell of a lot of push ups [a form of discipline/punishment often meted out to Sterling's devotees] or worse!

My friend has not attended any follow up events, and I sincerely believe she has no real knowledge or understanding of what these people are up to. She seemed genuinely shocked when I described the details of my experience (I spoke with her by phone Sunday afternoon). But, I'm not sure I can trust that.