"Stay away from men in the Sterling men's group"

July 2001
By a former girlfriend of a Sterling man

I am a victim of the Sterling men's group. I have read about other women and men on this website and can see that I am not the only one once involved with someone in this group.

I was fortunate or unfortunate to have met a wonderful man five years ago. He came to my home town and rode in like a "knight on a white horse." Everyone in my life, family, friends and most of all me, thought he was too good to be true. Well, the first six months of our relationship he was wonderful, but slowly things started to change.

The first sign of something strange was one day I could not find him. My phone was gone too. Finally I found him in my basement hiding with the telephone and talking really loud. When he was finished and came up the stairs I asked him why he was hiding with the telephone. He said then that he belonged to a men's group and needed some privacy, that their conversations could get loud and he did not want to disturb me. I thought this was very strange--to hide and talk on the phone. What could be so private?

From then on, it began. More secrets and more phone calls. Long hours on the phone with these men and constant meetings. He informed me that every Saturday for two hours in the morning there would be phone calls to these men and he would never miss one--no matter what. When we went on vacation together he had to make a two hour call. It went on. He was not working, but still went to meetings constantly and began to treat me badly.

He became very discouraged because there was no men's group in my area. He tried desperately to recruit my friends (males) into the group, but did not succeed. He quit his job and said that he did not like working there any longer and told me, five days before moving, that he was going to another state for a new job opportunity. I was shocked, but there was nothing I could say to keep him with me. Even though he said he loved me more than any other woman he had ever met.

He went away. I had found out later that he moved because there was a large group of Sterling men there. His new job was nothing like he had described and his employer said he was gone a lot and thought he was spending all of his time driving to see me. Not true, he was in men's meetings in the middle of the day, on the phone with the men for hours and recruiting men for the men's weekend.

Well, that job did not work out so he moved again and now is in California where there is an even bigger Sterling men's group. He spends at least 10-12 hours a week working with the men and their group. He does not have a job. It seems to me that he spends too much time with this group.

He once said that he wanted to get married and have a family, but never showed any type of commitment. He even became physically violent when we talked about the group and blamed me for everything that went wrong in our relationship.

I must say to women, stay away from men in the Sterling men's group. They will use you and hurt you in the end. The men's group is first in their lives and you and your family will always be second. They truly believe in the "Caveman theory" and will treat you like a second class citizen.