"Sterling made my husband a Neanderthal sexist"

September 2002
By a former Sterling spouse

I am extremely angry that the Sterling Institute of Relationship took priority over my marriage! At one point my husband was going to two meetings per week, until 11:30 PM. He also had a division meeting once a month. We never went anywhere as a couple.

The men in Sterling seem very dysfunctional.

In my husband's group one guy's wife lived across the street from him with the kids for years, but was not divorced. All the husband did was constantly attend Sterling meetings, but nothing changed. His wife and kids were still living across the street.

Another wife of a Sterling man I met just ran off to Mexico. And all he did, was go to more Sterling meetings.

One member of my husband's team was always unemployed.

Then there was the arrogant, obnoxious controlling attorney, whose wife left him too.

The Sterling approach seems to be torturing women through emotional abuse and/or ignoring them to the point of insanity. Many women simply leave, rather than go crazy. But Sterling men will explain this away by saying, "All women are wacko anyway."

It seems to me that Sterling men must be very emotionally needy. They also appear to have some kind of addictive, compulsive-obsessive disorder.

The official Sterling Team T-shirt has a caveman with a club saying, "Hang onto your balls," in big letters. It's just a weird, sick, group and I blame them for the failure of my marriage.

Once I bought my husband $300 tickets for a show on our anniversary. He said the Team would be "mad at him" because he'd miss his "Big Stick" camp-over with them if he went. He actually did go camping with his Team rather than staying with me for our first anniversary.

Sterling says, "Keep your commitment to the Team." But it seems to me that his family was almost always the last thing on his list of commitments. Shouldn't a man's family be more of a priority?

My husband didn't show up for his own birthday party. Instead there was another camp-over and then a night of beer drinking with the Team.

He'd actually run in terror rather than be late for his Team, but it was always OK to leave me waiting for hours.

Returning my phone calls also appeared to be a chore. It was as if he would somehow be degraded for doing this. But if someone from his Team called, he would phone him back immediately.

Sterling men are like little boys, and wives become their mommies.

I underwent a biopsy and the doctor instructed me not to drive myself home. However, I did anyway because my Sterling husband went straight from work to his Team meeting. He didn't even call. When I tried to locate him, his Team members just laughed at me.

I later found notes in my husband's office from Sterling meetings that said, "If your are stupid enough to cheat on her, don't be stupid enough to let her find out." And there were other pearls of wisdom such as, "Give them a good fuck" and "Never let them win an argument." Then I read what seemed like their primary directive, "Don't be pussy whipped."

Sterling Women tried to induct me. But all they did at their meetings was rehash past marriages. They needed to move on! And it seemed like they worshipped Justin Sterling too.

No woman should go through what I did. My feelings meant nothing. The Team was all my husband lived for. No matter what I did, it didn't make a difference. I worked, cleaned, cooked, did the laundry, kept my figure and was always faithful. But still no respect. I fought to hold my marriage together, but in the end it was beyond hope.

Finally, I just couldn't take it any more. It was just too hurtful. I told my husband that it was his Team, or me. He chose Sterling. This organization made my marriage hell. Sterling men act as if women are all stupid and not worth hearing. And a Sterling man listens to his Team, not his wife. Sterling men treat women like dirt.

At first your Sterling man may seem cute, but men involved with Sterling are sick. Remember they think they're normal, but they aren't normal. It's like drugs to them. They will choose the Team over a person, family, or child. I hate Justin Sterling and his organization. Sterling made my husband a Neanderthal sexist. In my opinion Sterling men are brainwashed and they need deprogramming.

Run for the hills, women! This is a warning. I wish someone had warned me. Leave while you are sane or they will drive you crazy. They won't stop, but you can stop hurting. Leave while you can.