'Me-sci-ah' fails to deliver while slamming Scientology

Houston Chronicle/October 15, 2004
By Everett Evans

Now it's Tom Cruise's turn. Me-sci-ah, the latest indescribable something from Infernal Bridegroom Productions, is IBP mainstay Troy Schulze's merciless ribbing of Cruise's involvement with the Church of Scientology. This assemblage of "found" materials (from interviews given by Cruise and others, Scientology propaganda and other sources) pretty well debunks the whole operation and its founder, L. Ron Hubbard, before even getting around to Cruise.

For the uninitiated (as I was until IBP chose this topic), some background. Sci-fi writer Hubbard (1911-86) founded the Church of Scientology in 1954, based on precepts put forth in his 1950 book Dianetics: The Modern Science of Mental Health. (Wish he'd thought of a name that didn't sound so much like "diuretics.")

As best as I can make out, it all has something to do with cleansing negative energy from the soul via procedures given names like "auditing" (no, not the IRS kind) and "processing." Scientology's detractors view it as a flaky cult devoted to separating its followers from large amounts of money.

As for Cruise, he has in recent years become increasingly outspoken as one of Scientology's most famous adherents. He has told interviewers it helped him overcome learning disabilities and domestic problems (ask Nicole). He has worked to get Germany to recognize Scientology as a legitimate church. Last month, he participated in the opening of the outfit's new church in Madrid.

This explains the show's subtitle (Or How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love Tom Cruise) -- though its echoing of Dr. Strangelove probably is unwise, since the satire here is not in that league.

The show opens with a woman enduring some sort of Scientology ritual, "recovering" a pre-birth memory while being guided by a recorded voice.

A biographical sequence on Hubbard begins when a statement attributed to him flashes on a screen: "If any man really wants to make a million dollars, the best way would be to start your own religion."

A disciple (Jenni Rotter) announces Hubbard's 1986 passing in hilarious deadpan: "Ron decided to leave his body because it was hindering his research." Yet when interviewed, L. Ron Hubbard Jr. (Schulze) snidely dismisses the whole racket as best suited to "neurotics."

We're told Scientology in the '80s became mired in debt and lawsuits and needed a savior; enter Cruise, heralded with a montage of film clips.

Schulze appears as Cruise (in naval uniform) in the show's long centerpiece interview. In Schulze's depiction, the star either smiles vacuously while deflecting questions, or when the interviewer slams Scientology ("It's really just a big money-making scheme based on science fiction!"), gets royally steamed.

"What are you doing?" the interviewer (Rotter) asks the frozen-faced Cruise. He slowly replies: "I'm quietly judging you."

Me-sci-ah has the feeling of interesting pieces not ideally welded into a comprehensive whole. It never constitutes a complete and conclusive portrait of Cruise, Hubbard or Scientology. From moment to moment, however, it upholds the IBP standard: always strange and sometimes funny. It's likely to disillusion anyone who believes in Scientology or Tom Cruise.

Now when will IBP get around to Mel Gibson?